Cisco can suck my nutsack. That's right I said it. I used to think Cicso made these great, super secure, top of the line products. I still think that about the products. But the company? I've gotten better service at a McDonald's drive thru from a migrant employee who didn't speak english at 11:30 at night.

So here's the tale:

We get a new ISP at work. They tell us we can't use our existing router and that we have to get a new one. We ask them, will you just sell us what you want us to use? No, sorry that's not what we do, but here is a list of Cisco routers we approve. Ok, easy enough, I call my VAR, I order me up some Cicso routery goodness. It arrives, I unpack it, mount it in the rack and call the ISP for configuration assistance. We start and realize "oh hey, its only got one interface in it? Yeah you need two: one internal, one external". That makes sense to me. I do this shit for a living. Ok fine. But lets pause quickly and ask ourselves who in their right fucking mind sells a router with only ONE interface? Oh yeah, Cisco does so that you can pay extra for the second one.

Back to the story... So I call the VAR, tell him what I need, they send me a 10baseT interface. I check my calendar. Nope, we aren't in 1997 anymore, so why do I not have a 100baseT card? Call the VAR, get their Cisco rep on the phone. "That unit only supports a 10baseT WIC (Wide area interface Card). The only way you can get 100baseT is with this more expensive 16 port switch that will go in the module bay." So I order it. It's ok, I needed to split the line anyhow, now the switch is just built in.

So I get the 16 port switch, install it in the module bay and get the ISP back on the phone. "Hey ISP, it's me again. Yeah, yeah I know been a while. Huh? Oh yeah we're ready to configure this shit, let's do it". So we configure the external interface. It works. Then we go to configure the 1st port on the internal interface. Here's where the car goes over the cliff folks. You can't assign addresses to that type of interface (which is necessary for what I need to do). So I call the VAR:

Me: "Hey what the fucking fuck, you said this would work!!!"
VAR: "Well that's what our Cicso guy said, but yeah he quit so let me get the new Cisco guy on the phone"

(Insert 30 min wait before I call back to say well????)

VAR: "Yeah hes not answering, let me try the Cisco guys at our sister company"
(Conference in my ISP with us here.)
Sister Company: "Yeah it says here that's what you need. How do you make it work? Yeah I don't know that, I only have this sheet here that says that's what you need. Let's call Cisco pre-sales help."
Cisco Pre-Sales: "Yeah that's what it says right here, yup should work just fine. No, no I have no idea how to make it work, you might try tech support."
Sister Company: "Yeah tech support costs money if it's not on a contract, let me try this person I know. Just lie and tell them you are in the process of renewing and that it's just lapsed off contract at the moment."

(Like they wouldn't fucking CHECK??? Anyhow the person isn't there, VAR and Sister Company don't know any more and give up.)

So I decide that I will just call Cicso Tech Support and SEE if this is even possible. I mean they have to know if you can even do this with these parts right?

Me: Hey I have this router and this modular switch and I need to know if it can do what I want?"
Cisco Tech: "Well you need to talk to an engineer. To do that it either has to be under warrantry, you need a service contract or pay the per issue fee."
Me: "Ok this is brand new, it should be under warranty. Here is the serial number on it."
Cisco Tech: "Ooooh that just went out of warranty a little over a month ago. Sorry."
Me: "What??? I just bought this a few weeks ago, a month tops!!!"
Cisco Tech: "Yeah the warranty starts when we sell it to the VAR not when you buy it. They bought this last November and it must have been sitting in their warehouse. We don't even sell this unit anymore, it's discontinued."
(At this point I'm livid, but I have the stuff, if I can make it work then fine. So I think, ok I'll just suck it up and pay for the per issue option.)
Me: "Ok, I'll just pay for the per issue then, how much is that?"
Cisco Tech: "Yeah it would be cheaper for you to just buy a full year of phone support. That's only $400. The per issue charge is $1200."
Me: "You want me to pay $400 for a year of support on a device that I may or may not keep depending on if it will work the way I want, JUST so I can FIND OUT if it CAN work the way I want?"
Cisco Tech: "That's the only way to get to an engineer and they are the only ones that can tell you 100% if this will do what you want. Pre-sales support only has the same sheets the other folks checked which says it can."

So I call my VAR back to bitch at him about this, even though I know he's not there past 5pm and get "Hi, I'm out of the office until July 5th...." Fucking asshat.

So... yeah...

My mind was blown. That's way I say Fuck Cisco, they can suck my nutsack. For $400 a year that is, or $1200 per suck.