Chinaman

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I haven't posted in a while. Bite me. :)

So Friday night I was feeling lazy. It had been a long day, hell a long week. So I decided to treat myself to some delivery chinese. On the surface this seemed to be a wondrous idea. How little I knew then.

So I call up and order some Sesame Chicken and Crab Rangoon. The time: 7:10pm. They tell me in broken English that it will be 55 minutes. WHAT? 55 Minutes? Ok, ok. I can wait. I'm hungry, but fine, sure, great, whatever.

So 8:20 rolls around..... I realize that I have no Chinese food in my possesion. I begin to try calling to ask them if it is coming straight from China. The phone line alternates from busy to ringing endlessly for over 25 minutes. That's it. I'm going to go Communist on some chinaman here. Where the HELL is my food???

Now the is about 8:45 and I've given up on the 'delivery' part of this plan and I'm about to go drive over and see what is going on. Just as I am about to go out the door, my phone rings: "You order Chinese? How you get there?" So I give the directions to this guy three times (note there are only 2 turns involved in these directions. A wounded chimp on a unicycle could make it here from there). I am informed that they are "So sorry" and my food will be here in "Ten Minute".

So I wait. And I wait. Man, I am getting GOOD at this waiting shit. About 20 minutes later the doorbell rings. Its a Chinaman. With food. About fucking time. I relay my anger at having to pay full price for food that took 2 hours to get there. All I get in reply to anything I say is a smile and "Sorry sorry". I could have told him I was going to kick him in the beanbag and he probably would have just said "Sorry sorry". I was very tempted just to close the door and keep the food without paying, but I feared that this "Sorry sorry" Chinaman may have connections to evil ninja turtles. So I paid him.

Elated that I have my Chinese food at long last, I head into the kitchen to dish it out. I take out the Crab Rangoon. Fuck, its DELICIOUS. How can I stay mad when it's this good? I reach into the bag to get the Sesame Chicken out. That's odd, my hands shouldn't be covered in sauce, yet they are. Aces, he manged to slop it all around in his mad rush to get here at a snail's pace. Well now I'm pissed again. Ok, so I dish it all out, wash my hands, start eating and I realize it's lukewarm. Fuckers. So I nuke it in the microwave and I eat. It was all delicious, I was full. Life was good, right? Well no, I'm still pissed that it took 2 hours and change to get there, I got slimed with sauce and it was lukewarm. What to do, what to do...... I KNOW! Call and complain!

So I call. I get to play that fun 'busy, busy, busy, ring endlessly' game some more. That's a fun game. Finally, some woman answers. After about 5 minutes of asking for the manager, etc. without her understanding me, I said the magic word : Complaint. Magically a man gets on the phone with pretty good English skills. Why THIS guy isn't answer the phone all the time is beyond me. So I tell him why I'm ticked, I shouldn't have paid full price, blah blah blah. He offers to send out new food. I explain, for what feels like the 73rd time, that I don't want or need MORE food, I just wanted something done about it. I'm thinking an offer of a refund, credit for food next time, something. I don't think I was out of line here on this one. Exasperated, I tell him "Never mind" and hang up.

Thinking that I was done for the night, I get into my robe, watching some TV, etc. I mean it's almost 10PM, what are the odds of anyone coming over at this hour? *DING DONG* Who the FUCK is at my door now? I open it. Its a Chinaman. With more food. Saying "Sorry, sorry".